This is what I have so far:

Page 4, Paragraph 3 on left "Your fellow Kurnans do not speak of Oronis any more deferentially in front of his templars; he is Oronis, that is enough." after Oronis there should not be a comma, if you are emphatic about the break then make two separate sentences with a period.

Page 4, Paragraph 1 on right "The few bandits that have attacked Kurnan villagers say that the villagers fight like the dragon, you would say rather that they fight like the wasp." the comma should be a semicolon

Page 4, Paragraph 2 on right "Tyrian fleshmonger." should be "flesh monger" two words

Page 4, last paragraph on right "marriages in your community are monogamous," the comma should be a semicolon

Page 4, last paragraph on right "no more than woman marries" place "one" in front of "woman"

Page 5, Paragraph 1 on right "Only the high walls and remoteness of Kurn," either drop the comma all together or add one after "templars"

Page 5, Paragraph 2 on right "its high walls, its arrows, its magic." place "and" before "its magic."

Page 8, Paragraph 1 on left Should Tyr be listed in first sentence as they no longer have slavery?

Page 8, 1st Paragraph under Freeborn Artisans, half way down "As Kurnans you will find Freeborn artisans the easiest to understand," make first letter in "Freeborn" lowercase

Page 8, Paragraph 1 on right "when Tyrian counsel voted" change "counsel" to "council"

Page 8, Paragraph 3 on right "This head (called the vizier in Raam, or the patrician in Balic) is obeyed" remove comma and "or" replace with "and" for "in Raam and the patrician" Also, it would look better if the parenthesis were replaced with commas